I went from depressed to living a life I love! & it took me 5 years to get here completely!

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I thought I had everything I needed. I had a good job, a budding relationship, friends who spent weekends with me, and I was happy. I was paying bills, I could afford an apartment, but then, everything changed. I went from being the more outgoing person I knew to shut up inside with no money, no friends, a new apartment I couldn't afford and a new job. Also, I had a new haircut which resulted from me needing a fresh start and the fear of my health failing from stress and depression was getting to me. How did I get here?

Well, I accept my part in this story. People pleasing, always being the giver, never the receiver and putting too much faith in others than I did in myself. I didn't love me "no one taught me how to do that" and now I was paying the consequences. Depression and no hair. 

But the universe, god and my deep inner desire to transform my life would not allow me to give up on myself when everyone else around me did. Friends stopped coming over or calling, my "boyfriend" had a family brewing, and debt collectors loved my phone. It was in that moment of me standing in front of the mirror with wet hair and a pair of scissors that I snipped that final chapter of my life away and did what I needed to do to get my fresh start. And it was really difficult. Doing it all on my own was the test of my life. Some days went better than others, and some I spent weekends sleeping on the couch "since I had no bed" trying to figure out a plan. And a plan I did come up with.

Slowly and slowly I started coming out of the phase. I started spending my time with myself, I started to share my progress on my new blog which surprisingly helped others, I started to discover new people on penpal websites, I started to share letters, I started to dress better, I started to smile and then I decided that I wanted to go to Paris. And even though it was a long 2 years before the dream became a reality, every day I looked forward to escaping into the online world of blogs, and French magazines, Facebook pages, and my favorite the apartment websites. I even enrolled in & got certified in my Delf A level with the Alliance Francaise. I began to dream more and started infusing what I was learning about the French way of living, into my lifestyle. I traded my vodka and cranberry juice for a glass of wine and Chinese food "still love it" for actual food at home. And I started my self-discovery journey. Soon it would end in Paris with new friends, new adventures and a new lifestyle.

I bought myself a camera, started to study style bloggers like Kristina Bazan and Chiara, and Chriselle Lim and started to invest in better choices of clothing, and then I wanted to do more. I wanted to share the entire lifestyle aspect so I started a business. And let me tell you the transition was the most challenging thing ever. I found new lack of confidence and compared myself to the online business world quite a lot. I hid in the shadows and liked, tried and emulated a few crushed on coaches and fempreneurs. I was a blog coach, a personal development coach, a goal coach and then eventually all the searching led me to become a lifestyle coach. But that only happened after I become more self-aware,self loving,self confident and began to invest "time, money and emotion" into myself and my business; because doing just as everybody else was not getting me anywhere. I learned the art of becoming unbusy and simply enjoying the process of growth. I learned how to just be me. I raised my wealth consciousness "and it took me a very long 1 year to grasp the concept"  and I became more grateful than I was in "ever"!!  I forgave a lot and let go of a lot. Past traumas, pain, and current relationships. It was also another trying and depressing year because during that time I lost myself a tad bit once again. By allowing people and things that were not self-serving to take control. In the end, though, I learned how to respond to life with bold confidence instead of reacting. 

And it was a marvelous transition. All the lessons and trials I've learned and gone through over the past 5 years, I would never trade them for anything. I will take the pain, but I will also take the pleasure. Because it's  through pain that we learn how to color our lives and define it into our own version of what it means to be "high styled".

It took me a long 5 years to get to this space with trials and errors, but you don't have to. Understanding what's important to you  and who you desire to become is the key to creating a lifestyle you love. It's about confidently owning that and allowing it to come through instead of turning your back towards it. Had I decided to give up the 21 thousand times that option presented itself would I be here today doing this? Helping thousands of women choose confidence, chic boldness and embracing life? I think not. And I probably would still be trying to figure out where my life was heading,whilst sweeping up my falling hair off the floor as I smile in to the face of the world.

I learned a very wise lesson this year from Martha Beck one of my mentors "a caterpiller doesn't go through the process of metamorphasis in a beautiful way. It first has to disintegrate into a pile of goop during its chrysalis stage. This is a remarkable stage where all the cells, the limbs, the wings and organs are being transformed for it's butterfly stage..From the outside it seems that the caterpillar is just resting. Noone knows what's taking place on the inside, but this is neccasary stage. This we all know. but the lesson is this 

We must first break down into the ugliest stage of our lives in order to transform into the life we desire to live, and that is completely ok.
— Menellia Valcent

So if you take away one lessson from this year, let it be "allow the process" . Whatever you're going through, stop reacting to it. Stop reacting to life hoping that it will align itself and instead learn to respond in a chic way. And there is no better time to begin than now.

p.s. you may have heard of the High Styled Society, but if you haven't it's all about the experience of living life to the fullest. Being in sync with everyday pleasure, doing what you love and loving you with confident style. It's the support you need to be more focused by slowing down, to be more stylish by being bold, to be more in love by being intuned. And I'll be there to support you along the way. Diane VF has a wonderful saying "when a woman becomes her own best friend, life becomes easier" and it is proven. Sign up to join the High Styled Society and let the other women who share your deep desire to "live from the soul" share the experience with you.  

And darling, welcome to your #highstyledlife!

xx Bisous. Menellia 

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